22 Oct 2023

Fiance has blurry boundaries with his ex

by | posted in: Society | 0

Q. My fiancé and I broke up for a short while, but we have reconciled, and I moved back in about three months ago. His ex-wife, who seems to enjoy causing trouble with the kids, continues to ask him out for coffee, for dinner, to join her skiing. She just asked him to join her in Cabo with the kids and I hit the ceiling. It’s really maddening, and she won’t stop! What’s good ex-etiquette?

A. Although your question sounds like “How can I get my fiancé’s wacky ex to stop coming after my guy,” it’s more about your boyfriend having blurry boundaries and not being honest with everyone concerned (ex-etiquette rule #8, Be honest and straight forward). No one continually invites someone somewhere when they know they’ll be turned down, so something has happened that has given her the impression she might get a different answer. I don’t know what happened during that “short while” when you broke up, but if she’s acting differently now than she did prior to your moving out, it’s time to talk to your fiancé. If this is the way she has always acted…it’s time to talk to your fiancé. Just about any way you look at it, it’s time to talk to your fiancé.

Whenever an outsider does something that affects a relationship, it’s the responsibility of those related to that outsider to set the record straight. That means it’s your fiancé’s responsibility to set clear boundaries, so his ex understands where she stands. He may like all the attention — or he may feel that letting her think there is something between them will enable him to see the kids more often.

Even if it’s all an innocent misunderstanding or the fact that he doesn’t like confrontation, it’s still your guy’s responsibility to take control of the situation so that there will be no misunderstanding in the future. His kids are also watching how he’s handling all this. The more he vacillates, the more they will be placed in the middle.

Your fiancé must address this. That’s good ex-etiquette.

Dr. Jann Blackstone is the author of “Ex-etiquette for Parents: Good Behavior After Divorce or Separation,” and the founder of Bonus Families, bonusfamilies.com./Tribune News Service

22 Oct 2023

Stylish finds support a great cause

by | posted in: News | 0

As Breast Cancer Awareness Month continues, I want to focus on one of the most joyful aspects of how the community celebrates and supports raising funds for research and educating the public: fashion.

It’s been decades since the first pink ribbon for breast cancer awareness came along under the Susan G. Komen Foundation in 1991. And since then, the pink ribbon has become an almost ubiquitous symbol of the campaign for breast cancer awareness, and is found all over pink merchandise — some of which very legitimately puts proceeds toward breast cancer research, while some other products have been accused of using it as a marketing tool while actually giving little toward the cause.

I’m recommending products that I not only love in their own right, but that also give a decent amount, so your dollars actually make a difference.

One current partnership I love beyond measure — because 100% of the proceeds are donated and it’s a gorgeous piece that’s absolutely sustainable — is Apaya’s Pink Anastasia bag ($300 on apaya.org). The stunner is woven of Iraca Palm, festooned with pink flower appliqué details, and yes, a full 100% of the proceeds throughout October go to Susan G. Komen.

ChappyWrap’s partnered with the American Cancer Society and created a specially curated collection of cozy and warm blanket designs ($135 on chappywrap.com), including a beautiful “Ribbon of Courage Blanket” and a “Garden of Hope Blanket.” The company matched donations to the American Cancer Society, and from now through the end of the month, they’re offering complimentary embroidery.

This month at Gretta Luxe, my boutique in Wellesley, we’ve got a lot going on for the cause. We did a donation event earlier this month to kick things off, and are accepting clothing donations throughout the month to go to Cancer Cartel (cancercartel.org), a wonderful group that provides financial resources and relief to those undergoing cancer treatment — from gas money to groceries. So bring your lightly loved luxury items in and you’ll receive 20% toward new-for-fall arrivals.

We’re also donating portions of our sales to the Ellie Fund (elliefund.org), which provides all kinds of support services to breast cancer patients in treatment living or receiving treatment in Massachusetts. (And what they provide is essential — things like grocery gift cards, meal delivery, transportation, gas cards, childcare reimbursement, and integrative therapies.)

And I love the clothes we’ve picked out for the cause — fantastic pieces like the Isabel Marant Étoile Top ($385 on gretta.co), dotted with delicate pink florals and a pretty twist front, and the gorgeous and ruffled Simona dress by Ulla Johnson ($570 on gretta.co). Some pieces are on sale, too — like the Gracelynn Silk Dress by Veronica Beard ($119.60 on gretta.co), which is a steal at 80% off its original price.

Ready to put your best feet forward in fighting for the cause? Birkenstock has joined forces with celebrity stylist Leslie Fremar to design the limited-edition velvety pink Arizona ($110 on birkenstock.com) in a pretty petal pink, and is donating 20% of its sales to the National Breast Cancer Foundation.

Anyone who knows and loves Sea Bags will no doubt also love the launched of their 17th annual “Cure” Collection — three designs emblazoned with fuchsia anchors against Breton stripes. I’m especially partial to the Cure Breton Stripe and Fuchsia Anchor Tote ($160 on seabags.com). And now through the end of the year, 20% of all purchase sales from the collection will go back to Maine Cancer Foundation’s efforts in the areas of prevention, early detection, and access to care.

 

Birkenstock is donating 20% of its sales of the limited-edition velvety pink Arizona to the National Breast Cancer Foundation. (Photo birkenstock.com)

 

All the proceeds from sales of Apaya’s Pink Anastasia bag sold throughout October go to the Susan G. Komen.Foundation. (Photo apaya.org)

 

ChappyWrap partnered with the American Cancer Society to create a specially curated collection of cozy blanket designs. (Photo Chappywrap.com)

22 Oct 2023

Helping animals injured amid war

by | posted in: Adventure | 0

Dear Dr. John,

Like so many people, I find myself devastated and depressed about the events in the Middle East that started with the invasion and atrocities brought about by Hamas in Israel. This has led to an escalation that seems to be having effects all over the entire region. As badly as I may feel, I realize how insignificant that is to the many people who have lost everything, including life.

I was struck by a video of the initial attack which showed a dog being shot and killed. I cannot imagine how many animals have been injured or killed in this war. Despite feeling helpless in all of this, can you direct me as to how I may send some money to help the animals that have been caught up in the conflict? I also wonder about animals that have lost legs through injury. Do prosthetics work as well on our four-legged friends as they now do on people? I.A.

Dear I.A.,

My column is about animals and asking the vet what I think. The one thing that does bond most of humanity is a love for animals and a desire to care for them even if we do not care well for one another. There is an abundance of well-intentioned animal welfare and care groups here and abroad and I would direct you to the internet to research those that you would like to support with your philanthropy. Most, if not all, are worthy of your generosity and all the animals deserve our love and help.

I chaired the American Veterinary Medical Foundation a few years ago and it supports these kinds of issues in making sure the financial aid actually reaches the animals. For example, they have already given over $500,000 to support animal care and welfare in Ukraine. They have not yet met to consider support to animals in Israel and Gaza as it is very recent. They would welcome any contribution. As for prosthetics, they have proven to be helpful in dogs and cats but not in larger species per se. The reason they are not seen often is the cost, which usually runs from $1,000-$1,500, and the simple fact that dogs and cats do very well on three legs when they lose one. Thanks for your concern for man and animals alike.

Dr. John de Jong owns and operates the Boston Mobile Veterinary Clinic. He can be reached at 781-899-9994.

22 Oct 2023

Editorial: Billions in COVID $$ still sitting around

by | posted in: Politics | 0

Given the magnitude of the amount allocated, it’s unlikely we’ll ever truly know the extent to which con artists, fraudsters and elected officials stole, wasted or misappropriated the billions in taxpayer funds distributed as part of the government’s response to the pandemic.

But one thing we do know: Washington showered so much money on states and local governments that most haven’t come close to spending it all. Recently, the Government Accountability Office released a quarterly report that tracks coronavirus spending through March 31, about three years from the onset of the pandemic.

“States reported obligating 60% ($118.3 billion) and spending 45% ($88.2 billion)” of State and Local Fiscal Recovery Funds, the office reported. “Localities reported obligating 54% ($67/5 billion) and spending 38% ($47.9 billion) of their awards during the same period.”

How was the money distributed?

“The states and localities reported spending the largest amount of their awards to replace revenue lost due to the pandemic,” the GAO found. “Specifically … 45% ($39.5 billion) of states’ reported spending and 68% ($32.4 billion) of localities’ reported spending was used for this purpose.”

In other words, state and local governments are still sitting on billions in unspent virus cash — and the money they have spent went primarily to pad their coffers rather than to aid businesses or individuals who were harmed by shutdowns and business closures.

Chris Edwards of the Cato Institute told Reason that the analysis highlights Washington’s lack of fiscal discretion. “By the fall of 2020, it was clear that the states were in good fiscal shape and not facing Armageddon as many policymakers were claiming,” he said. “They did not need federal handouts.”

Yet congressional Democrats insisted on using virus relief as a slush fund that blue states could tap to disguise fiscal mismanagement.
The GAO also revealed that “14% of localities did not report to Treasury their uses” of these federal funds, as required by law, so it’s impossible to know where those billions went.

No doubt, pandemic relief was warranted during those unprecedented times, particularly in early and mid-2020. But the GAO report reveals an exercise in excess that federal taxpayers are still paying for today. Not only should Congress take action against local governments that fail to report how they used pandemic funds, it should also consider clawing back billions in unspent funds from states and localities.

As the national debt roars past $33 trillion, it’s time to shut down the party.

Las Vegas Review-Journal/Tribune News Service

 

Editorial cartoon by Joe Heller (Joe Heller)