The highfalutin pleasures — and resultant highfalutin displeasures

GEEZ LOUISE of the West Side reports: “I seem to be suffering periodically from a condition for which I couldn’t find a name, so I had to invent one. I’m calling it incommunipotestatum falcolumorbus. The name is Splatin in origin. It comes from the Spanish word incommunicar, meaning ‘to deprive of communication,’ the Latin potestatum, meaning ‘energy’ or ‘power,’ Falco columbarius, the scientific name for the species of falcon commonly called the merlin, and the Latin morbus, meaning ‘distress’ or ‘affliction.’

“It’s the condition of being unable to make a phone call because you’ve run your phone battery down recording bird songs with the Merlin app (Bulletin Board interjects: One of the all-time-great apps!), and the disorder is marked by severe flareups that coincide with the migration of birds through the region.

“There’s no known cure, but symptoms can be alleviated with frequent juicing.”

Our theater of seasons

Here’s STINKY BANANALIPS of Empire: “Hello, Bulletin Boarders!

“I retired in January and have a lot of articles to catch up on — but first think I’ll share these photos before they are lost in my phone.

“Tulips: When we bought our house about 25 years ago, I planted hundreds of little (as in short ones) pink and white tulip bulbs and about three tall red ones. Animals ate almost all the bulbs, so by the third year we were only getting a few red tulips. At most over the years we got five, but look at how many showed up yesterday: 18! We haven’t done anything different, so I can’t explain it.

“Flowering cherry tree: It’s really looking nice this morning over my little fairy garden with blue glass ‘river’ and glass totems. I don’t remember when I made the totems, but my daughter came home from college (pre-2017) and saw them all over the deck while the glue was drying and was worried her parents were suddenly into bongs. We have called them ‘yard bongs’ ever since.”

Simple pleasures

GRANDMA PAULA: “I just finished the latest puzzle that I have been working on. I really like the colorful butterflies.”

The highfalutin amusements (responsorial)

TWITTY of Como writes: “Subject: Pet peeves.

“COS ON THE EAST SIDE (Sunday BB, 5/5/2024), with his/her story about TV and subtitles, reminded me of a TV pet peeve I’ve been wanting to air for some time — no pun intended.

“I watch a lot of documentaries — by choice: usually the soaring epics about regions of the United States which give historical perspectives as well as great aerial views, but also those of nature, focusing on animal life, etc. These can be found on PBS and the National Geographic channel, as well as others, and are of great interest to me . . . except for one continuing irritating issue: The background music often is so blasted loud, it drowns out the voice of the narrator! In my humble opinion, the music isn’t needed. I find the narration important for the educational benefit. If I want music, I can put on a Linda Ronstadt disc! [Bulletin Board says: This is why we always, always turn the closed-captions on – and not just for documentaries. We’d fail to catch half (or more) of the dialogue in the British crime shows, otherwise.]

“There. I’ve said it. Now I’m over it. I assume BB will take this information and use its considerable influence to notify the authors of those documentaries, telling them to tone down the background noise, er, music. Thank you very much.”

Fun facts to know and tell . . . Baseball Division

May 5 email from DR. CHRYSANTHEMUM: “Now that the Twins have won 11 in a row (Bulletin Board interjects: Sic transit gloria mundi!), it might be appropriate to note that 2024 is the 100th anniversary of their first World Series championship.

“The then-Washington Nationals won three American League titles between 1924 and 1933. (Later, the team acquired a reputation as an also-ran and officially adopted its popular nickname of the Senators before moving to Minnesota.) (Bulletin Board says: Some wag offered “Washington – first in war, first in peace, last in the American League.”)

“Although the Nationals of 1924-1933 had a few solid players (Goose Goslin, Sam Rice, Joe Judge, an aging Walter Johnson, Heinie Manush, and boy wonder player-managers Bucky Harris and Joe Cronin), they did not have slugging depth and had stiff competition from two teams that could boast multiple Hall-of-Famers, Triple Crown winners, and other batting champs.

“The Yankees (who fielded players such as Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, Bill Dickey, Earle Combs, Bob Meusel, Tony Lazzeri, Waite Hoyt, Herb Pennock, Urban Shocker, Lefty Gomez, and Red Ruffing) won four league championships during this period.

“The Philadelphia Athletics (who had Jimmie Foxx, Al Simmons, Mickey Cochrane, Bing Miller, and Lefty Grove) won the other three.

“In some ways, the current Twins team is similar to that 1924 Nationals team — solid, but without multiple superstars (at least healthy ones). Maybe they can add a seventh World Series to this franchise.”

Life as we know it

GRANDMA PAT, “formerly of rural Roberts, Wisconsin, now of St. Paul,” writes: “Twenty-odd years ago, I lived out in the hills of rural Roberts, Wisconsin. I had a few acres near my sister, and shared my space with a sheep, a goat, a dog, a cat, and various wild friends like deer and turkeys and frogs.

“Now I am in senior living in St. Paul, which is appropriate. I have 11 roommates who make me smile. One speaks meow and purr; the others stand tall in their pots and stretch upwards.

“We help each other out.”

Muse, amuse

THE DORYMAN of Prescott, Wisconsin: “Subject: Career Twist.

“I think I’ve discovered what Superman and The Hulk have been doing since their retirements from movie-making. They must be working at drinking-water companies, putting screw caps on those flimsy plastic bottles.”

Where we live (responsorial)

DAVID THE EX-SCUDDERITE writes: “AL B’s report on obligatory acknowledgments of fellow drivers (Sunday BB, 5/5/2024) reminded me of something my friend Steve once said. He owned a Honda touring motorcycle and said that it’s customary when meeting a fellow biker on a two-lane road to raise an index finger in recognition to a fellow biker. However, Steve said, Harley riders refuse to offer that gesture to non-Harley riders.”

BULLETIN BOARD SMART-ALECKS: Do they offer up a different digit?

Not exactly what they had in mind

SNACKMEISTERIN of Altoona, Wisconsin: “Just too good to let it slip by without a comment:

“In the story about the misspelling of Ayd Mill Rd. (‘Ady Mill Rd.’) on the signage on 35E: ‘A MnDOT spokesman . . . noted that typos on highway signage are not unprecedented. “That’s not the first time, unfortunately. That’s why they put pencils on erasers — because people do make mistakes once in a while.”‘

“For many of us, the eraser is long gone before the pencil is. Maybe manufacturers should start putting pencils on erasers!”

Hmmmmmmmm

VERTICALLY CHALLENGED reports: “Subject: Joy of Juxtaposition, including Baader-Meinhof.

“I very seldom remember anything I dream, but I did remember some of what I was dreaming this morning when I woke up:

“I was dreaming that I was looking for a book called ‘Green.’ It was by C. S. Lewis. I’ve never heard of such a book; nor do I know what else he wrote offhand, except ‘The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe,’ but I was in this old, old library and going through different rooms. etc.

“Fast-forward to this morning, I had told our daughter about this dream, and she decided to look up C. S. Lewis — and lo and behold, she came across these:
‘C. S. Lewis: A Biography,’ by Roger Lancelyn Green and ‘The “Green Book” Mentioned in The Abolition of Man.’

“I have never heard of either one of these, so what made me dream such a thing?!”

Today’s helpful hint — leading to: Muse, amuse (responsorial)

REGINA PALOSAARI: “Subject: Spit.

“Regarding DORYMAN’s story about spit being used to clean priceless art: Knitters know the value of spit well. To join ends of wool yarn invisibly, simply suck on both ends, put them next to each other on your palm and then rub them together quickly between your palms. Perfect join every time!”

This ’n’ that ’n’ the other

A trio from KATHY S. of St. Paul, the first one sent our way on Eclipse Day 2024: (1) “Subject: The Eclipse is Coming! The Eclipse is Coming!

“Anyone who does not know an eclipse of the sun is happening today must be living under a rock. [Bulletin Board muses: No chance of vision impairment if you’re living under a rock!]

“The last time an eclipse was visible here, I wandered around to see what people were doing. I ended up in a local library, where I found some teenagers watching it on a computer. I pointed out that they should go outside to see it, since it was LIVE right then. They shuffled out, glanced at the Real Thing, and left. I don’t know if I did any good, and I hate driving kids out of libraries. I still feel guilty about that.

“But sometimes real life is better than screens, right?”

(2) “Subject: Precision Daddy.

“Recently, in a store, I saw a dad checking out water and groceries next to a collapsible wagon containing three small boys. They reminded me of little birds, peeking around as their groceries were bought.

“Shortly thereafter, the dad pulled the kid wagon and a small cart with the groceries close to an exit door. He removed the oldest boy from the wagon and put the bottles of water in his place. He then sat the oldest boy on the water bottles and removed the smallest boy from the cart. He placed the bag of groceries where the youngest had sat, and set the boy on or next to them. Mission accomplished, he pulled the wagon full of kids and groceries out the door.

“If there is ever a contest of precision shopping while herding kids, I hereby nominate that dad.”

(3) “Subject: Never mind.

“Today I filled my larger coffee grinder with beans and hit the button. Nothing happened. I plugged the grinder into various electrical outlets, but the grinder still did not work. I remembered that I had planned to clean the burr grinder parts, and decided that they might be clogged. I searched for the instruction manual on the grinder, which I had set out so I would read it. I couldn’t find it, so I turned the Internet on and found my grinder’s manual.

“The first instruction in the manual said that the grinder would not turn on unless the hopper to catch the ground coffee was in place. I checked the grinder; the hopper was not in place. I inserted the hopper and ground my coffee beans.

“As an autistic person, I am told that I have trouble with executive function. Namely, I am not always good at juggling too many ideas or processes at one time.

“No kidding!

“(But I did get it done.)”

Out of the mouths of babes — plus: Not exactly what she had in mind

Both from KING GRANDPA: (1) “The grandkids have become huge Timberwolves fans. My son worked his way through the Timberwolves app and secured seats at a very big discount ($10 per ticket). Needless to say, they were not very good seats. As they all trudged up and up and up and finally reached the seats, one of the kids looked at his dad and asked: ‘Are you poor ?’

(2) “When my daughter was about 10, I took her to Denver over MEA break. At the time, I had an executive account with Avis and I could reserve a car that would be ready at the airport for immediate drive-off.

“When we returned home from the trip, her mother asked if she had fun. My daughter said: ‘The plane ride was fun, and then Dad stole a car and we drove all through the mountains.’ Oddly, she thought that was normal.”

BAND NAME OF THE DAY: The 11 Roommates

Your stories are welcome. The address is BB.onward@gmail.com.

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Take your pick today. A young adult novel about grieving, an Indian love story, and a short story collection set from the Twin Cities to Lake Superior.

“Telephone of the Tree”: by Alison McGhee (Rocky Pond Books, $17.99)

(Courtesy of Rocky Pond Books)

Maybe the telephone of the tree is a gift of the tree, to/the humans who need it. — from “Telephone of the Tree”

Alison McGhee, winner of four Minnesota Book Awards, writes novels for adults and middle-grade readers as well as picture books for children. “Telephone of the Tree,” told in page-long prose poems, is a middle-grade reader’s story about a girl coping with grief.

Ayla is 10 and counting down the days to when her best friend Kiri returns. Kiri went away but Ayla is sure she will be home for her 11th birthday party. Ayla misses her friend so much she collects all her “Kiri things” in the house, including the trick candles they use every year on their birthday cakes. She misses her friend the most when she looks down the block lined with trees planted over three generations to honor deceased neighbors and welcome babies. Ayla’s is a river birch and Kiri’s a white pine. The girls share a love for these trees and spend hours perched in their branches. They are so attuned to the trees they want to become them.

Alison McGhee (Courtesy of the author)

As Ayla waits impatiently for Kiri to come back, she ignores strange looks she gets from classmates who she insults when they offer to walk to school with her. She hates to see the patient concern in her parents’ eyes. She tries to tune out the nightmares of “that day.” Then, an old-fashioned telephone appears in the branches of a nearby tree. Nobody knows how it got there, least of all Ayla. A curious thing happens; a delivery boy picks up the receiver and talks into it. He goes away happy. Soon, more people use the phone, including a man with a toddler who assures the listener they are OK, and an elderly widow recalling happy times.

Eventually, Ayla is forced to confront what really happened that dark day during the thunderstorm when she and Kiri were chasing the dog across the street.

McGhee says her story is partly inspired by the real “wind phone” phenomenon, the grief tool that allows visitors to imagine one-way conversations with deceased loved ones via an unconnected rotary phone that originated in Japan after the 2011 tsunami and earthquake.

A New York Times bestselling author, McGhee’s “Shadow Baby” was a Today Show book club pick and Pulitzer Prize nominee. Writing with Kate DiCamillo, their book “Bink and Gollie” won the American Library Association Geisel Award. She’s taught creative writing at Metropolitan State University, Hamline University’s MFA program and Vermont College. “Telephone of the Tree” won starred reviews from Kirkus and the Bulletin of the Center for Children’s Books.

“In Whispers: Simon and Carolina”: by Thomas D. Peacock (Dovetailed Press, $16.95)

(Courtesy of Dovetailed Press)

Now, as an old woman looking back to that time in all its innocence. I, then just a young woman, keenly aware of the teachings of my mother and aunties of my responsibility to save myself for marriage. Simon, innocent himself, respectful of me, maybe too shy and hesitant, maybe too ignorant to know what to do. I will never know. Still, it was love. I cannot lessen or deny it was, that young love is entirely possible, indeed. — from “In Whispers”

Thomas Peacock, a member of the Fond du Lac Band of Lake Superior, melds the tenderness of first love with hard lives of some Native Americans in this novel that is perfect for romantics.

Simon, 13, and 14-year-old Carolina meet at St. Mary’s Mission boarding school in Granite Falls in 1957. They are forbidden to speak their Ojibwe language, so they meet behind the girls’ dorm to communicate in whispers. When Carolina is abused, Simon runs away with her and sees her safely home. Then, they part for years with their lives taking different paths.

Thomas Peacock (Courtesy of the author)

Carolina, who is a healer like her mother, builds a middle-class life, working on behalf of Native people. Simon goes in the opposite direction — to homelessness and the Franklin Avenue bars in Minneapolis. When they are old they meet again in the hospital where Carolina volunteers and Simon is brought in with injuries. In their late years, they are together again for whatever time is left to them.

This is the novel’s plot, but nothing can describe Peacock’s lush prose. The story is told in the first person by both protagonists, including their memories of their families’ lives and their childhoods before they met at the school that left them with a legacy of trauma. Parts are loving, parts are hard, but Peacock has given us two endearing characters.

There is nothing on the book’s covers to suggest this is a young adult book, but students in junior high and beyond can read it with assurance that it is written out of authentic Native American culture.

Peacock is co-publisher of Black Bears and Blueberries Publishing, specializing in Native books written by Native authors. He lives on the Fond du Lac and Red Cliff reservations. Educated at Harvard University, he’s been a teacher, a secondary principal, a superintendent, a professor and an associate dean in public and tribal schools and universities. His 13 previous books include Minnesota Book Award winners “Ojibwe” and “The Good Path.” No wonder “In Whispers” seems like a book suited to young people. He’s been around them and with them for decades.

“Somewhere in Minnesota”: by Jayna Locke (Kirk House Publishers, $17.95)

(Courtesy of Jayna Locke)

In her 34 years, Delia had been many things — an entrepreneur, a writer, a cook, and a wife, to name a few — none of them and all of them leading her here to a homeless encampment under a bridge spanning the Mississippi river in June. She could see the lights of Minneapolis and St. Paul, glowing prisms of wonder and wealth, like diamonds glimmering in a mine. — from “Somewhere in Minnesota”

From a middle-class, homeless woman hiding from her abusive husband under a bridge in the Twin Cities to a body washed up on the shore of Lake Superior, Jayne Locke roams the state in her debut story collection. Unlike some collections that deal in gloom and doom, these stories about unexpected moments in people’s lives are hopeful and big-hearted. Most of all, they do not leave the reader hanging. Each story has a middle, beginning and end.

Jayna Locke (Courtesy of the author)

In one story, a man who left his family years earlier returns for Thanksgiving, only to find it’s hard to go home again. A toddler wanders onto thin ice in northern Minnesota and someone has to save the little guy. An incident at a lake home convinces a couple to return to the city, and an American woman has an affair with a gorgeous Italian man as COVID rushes through Europe, making her realize her nephew in the U.S. is the most important person in her life. How she reconnects with the boy is especially tender. One story, sure to be a reader favorite, begins with a woman finding a body on the shore of Lake Superior. Before anyone else arrives, she takes a key from the dead man’s jacket although she isn’t sure why. When she learns the key is to the deceased man’s door, she goes to the house as if drawn by a supernatural force, finding a surprise that makes her realize why the owner’s spirit sent her there.

The author lives in the Twin Cities and is a transplant to this state who earned an MFA in writing from the University of New Hampshire.

(Courtesy of Doubleday)

Editor’s note: No matter what else is on your spring/summer reading list, put Percival Everett’s “James”  at the top. Everett’s reimagined take on the Huckleberry Finn story is already one of the most popular and widely praised novels of the year. No need to go into a lot of superlatives here about how Jim, an enslaved man, and Huck go on the run, having adventures but, more important, showing the inner lives of the enslaved, including their use of foolish language around white people and their use of proper English when they are together. It’s a way to fool the white folks. In a loopy and humorous incident, Black Jim wears blackface when he joins a minstrel show made up of white musicians who do the cakewalk, mocking Black slaves who invented the dance to mock white people. This novel is published by Doubleday but the author has also published for decades with Minneapolis-based Graywolf Press.

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Move over, Fabio. Romance novels have changed — and so has the community

Ramps to and from Interstate 494 at Tamarack Road in Woodbury will be closed until late October as part Interstate 94 repaving between Oakdale and the St. Croix River, according to the Minnesota Department of Transportation.

The ramp closures, beginning at 7 a.m. Wednesday, include the following with detours:

Tamarack Road ramp to southbound I-494 will be shut down. Motorists can use Tamarack Road, Weir Drive, Valley Creek Road and southbound I-494 to bypass this closure.
Northbound I-494 to Tamarack Road will be shut down. Motorists can use Valley Creek Road, Bielenberg Drive and Tamarack Road to bypass this closure.

Closing these ramps will allow motorists to “safely navigate” the detour routes for other ramp closures that begin at 7 p.m. Friday, May 31. Those closures, which will last through early July, include:

Westbound I-94 to northbound Interstate 694. Motorists can bypass this ramp closure using westbound I-94, southbound I-494, Tamarack Road and northbound I-494/I-694.
Southbound I-694 to westbound I-94. Motorists can bypass this ramp closure using southbound I-494, Tamarack Road, northbound I-494 and westbound I-94.

Also at 7 p.m. Friday, May 31, some ramps will reopen, including ramps from westbound I-94 to southbound I-494 and northbound I-494 to westbound I-94.

The closures are part of resurfacing and other improvements to I-94 between Highway 120/Century Avenue and the St. Croix River that will last until fall.

For more information, visit the project webpage at mndot.gov/metro/projects/i94oakdale-stcroix.

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Sang Bin Jeong registered one of the fastest speeds in MLS this season, with the South Korean clocked at 22.6 mph. Only four others had a higher number going into Saturday’s match.

The Minnesota United attacker showed off that burst by running in behind the Colorado Rapids’ defense to score two goals and a 3-1 halftime lead, but the Loons lost the pace and settled for a 3-3 draw at Dick’s Sporting Goods Park.

MNUFC (7-3-3, 25 points) allowed three goals in a match for the first time this season. All three goals came after Loons lost aerial duels.

MNUFC’s 3-1 halftime lead was on the back of Jeong’s two goals and Tani Oluwaseyi’s one.

Robin Lod produced a picturesque turn and perfectly weighted through ball to set up Jeong’s finish in the eighth minute. After Kevin Cabral tied the game in the 18th minute, Oluwaseyi was credited with a rebound goal in the 24th minute. It needed a VAR check after Oluwaseyi was initially ruled offside.

Oluwaseyi then fed Jeong with another nice through ball behind the Rapids defense. He finished it in the 33rd minute.

The Loons rode their luck at times in the first half, but the worst moment was on a Dayne St. Clair goal kick. Colorado won the first header and the second to send a sprinting Cabral past Michael Boxall and he chipped the ball over St. Clair.

The way MNUFC gave up that goal was nearly a carbon copy of how they conceded in the 2-1 win over Atlanta on May 4.

United gave up its second goal off a corner kick in the 62nd minute. Kervin Arriaga didn’t contest Djordje Mihalovic for a flick-on header and Rafael Navarro tapped it in at the back post.

St. Clair saved a Navarro penalty kick in the 69th minute, but then St. Clair spilled a save on Cabral’s header for the equalizing goal in the 71st minute. Cabral was able to get higher to win the ball between Boxall and Arriaga.

Loons went with a 5-3-2 formation, with Carlos Harvey keeping his midfield spot in starting XI and played next to Lod and Wil Trapp. With center back Micky Tapias suspended for a red card, MNUFC kept a three-center back look with Devin Padelford, Boxall and Arriaga.

Briefly

Lod has 11 total assists this season, only four behind Darwin Quintero’s single-season club record of 15 set in 2018. Lod has roughly 60% of the season to top Quintero’s mark.  …Rapids coach Chris Armas and Loons coach Eric Ramsay overlapped on staff at Manchester United. “He was in the trenches with us,” Armas said of Ramsay this week. “We were all together in a really interesting time. … I’m really happy that I met a guy like him. He’s a tremendous human being. You meet some good ones along the way. He is really wired on a good way. He is a good coach. He’s got lots of ideas about the game.” The two coaches shared a big hug after the match. … Loons loaned Derek Dodson out to Birmingham Legion in the USL Championship with the right to recall at any time. Dodson, who played for Charleston Battery in USL Championship last season, has not played for MNUFC this year. His move frees up a supplemental roster spot. … Hassani Dotson returned after a four-game absence and replaced Harvey at halftime. … Joseph Rosales posted the sixth fastest speed this season at 22.5 mph.