Movie review: ‘In the Lost Lands’ an earnest eyesore

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There’s something strangely moving about the filmography of Paul W.S. Anderson and his muse, wife Milla Jovovich. The couple have been making absolutely flabbergasting sci-fi and fantasy B movies for 23 years — of the 14 features Anderson has directed, Jovovich has starred in seven, including the “Resident Evil” franchise, and the pair show no signs of stopping. It fact, it seems the Anderson/Jovovich films will continue until morale improves.

Perhaps Anderson’s love language is making his wife act against a green screen, and it seems to be working, at least for their marriage, if not the cinematic results. Their latest effort is “In the Lost Lands,” a dystopian postapocalyptic fantasy Western based on a George R.R. Martin short story, with a screenplay by Anderson and Constantin Werner. The entire thing looks like a steampunk “300” with nods to George Miller’s “Mad Max” movies, but rendered almost entirely in gray scale. With pops of red, fiery accents and an overly stylized digital look, it also calls to mind Robert Rodriguez’s comic book adaptation “Sin City.”

It’s an eyesore, but it’s an eyesore like no other, which makes it distinctive, at least. Truly, there is no one who does vulgar auteurism like Anderson. The man is committed to his sci-fi/fantasy sometimes video game adaptation dreck — and his wife — and one can’t help but be moved by devotion like that.

Jovovich is joined in this one by Dave Bautista, who plays a swaggering gunslinger named Boyce, packing a two-headed rattlesnake in his holster. He’s the most prolific Casanova of this wretched place, bedding both the scheming young queen (Amara Okereke) and a shotgun-wielding tavern wench (Deirdre Mullins). Jovovich is the witch Gray Alys. The film opens with her escape from a public hanging using mind control, and she becomes a folk hero (“the witch who would not hang”) to the oppressed populace of the city.

Compelled to grant wishes, Gray Alys promises the queen she’ll venture into the Lost Lands outside the city to retrieve the power of shapeshifting wolf man (one could even say a werewolf). With only six days until the full moon, she enlists the help of the hunter Boyce to take her into the Lost Lands. In hot pursuit is the Enforcer (Arly Jover), a religious fanatic (you can tell by the big cross on her chest and the the crosses on the faces of all her underlings) dispatched by the Patriarch (Fraser James) to bring Gray Alys back to be tried for heresy.

Got all that? It’s really quite simple, just a chase movie across a barren postindustrial land filled with dangerous beasties and criminals in search of a magic power. Back in the city, the scheming and backstabbing and oppressing continues apace.

There’s a decidedly uncanny quality to “In the Lost Lands,” which exists entirely in a gray computer-generated void studded with the wreckage of civilization. Anderson alternates between extreme wide shots of the digitally rendered landscape and medium close-ups for his stars because it’s pretty much all he’s afforded against the rest of the set. For about 40 minutes, the whole thing feels like a simulacrum of another movie, or a movie trailer. You keep waiting for the thing to actually start until it’s already well underway.

But there is something kind of endearing about the straight-faced approach to this deeply stupid movie, an earnestness that’s hard to come by these days. Is it entertaining? Not really. But does it look good? No. Is the script decent? Not at all. And how about the acting? Nothing to write home about. But the visual effects must be good? Still no. Yet, you have to appreciate the commitment to the bit on the part of Anderson and Jovovich, still making these movies after all these years. She’s still putting on a mullet wig and some facial tattoos and doing some silly make-em-ups with her husband. If that’s not true love, I don’t know what is. And Bautista is a welcome screen presence at any time, despite the limitations of the material and goofiness required of him.

“In the Lost Lands” is likely not destined to be a cult classic but by the time Jovovich and Bautista are fighting a bunch of skeletons in an abandoned nuclear power plant, its boneheaded charm reaches the only apex it might find. The rest is a race to the finish of predictable twists, pixelated clashes and po-faced line readings. Is this a real movie? I’m not entirely certain, and I certainly can’t recommend watching it. But I am amused by the bizarre Anderson-Jovovich oeuvre and hope they keep cranking them out.

‘In the Lost Lands’

1.5 stars (out of 4)

MPA rating: R (for violence)

Running time: 1:41

How to watch: In theaters March 7

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Men’s basketball: Gophers have big opportunity Sunday at Rutgers

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After losing nearly everyone to graduation or the NCAA transfer portal last spring, Gophers men’s basketball coach Ben Johnson built a team, in fairly quick order, around his ace in the hole — returning power forward Dawson Garcia.

The basketball talking heads were unimpressed, picking Minnesota to finish dead last in the suddenly 18-team Big Ten, which tells you what you need to know about anyone’s preseason picks.

The Gophers (15-15 overall, 7-12 Big Ten) are set to play their regular-season finale Sunday’s noon tip at Rutgers (14-16, 7-12) with a chance to finish 11th in the conference and above .500 overall.

But the team wants more.

“This team has continued to fight, maintain confidence, and get better,” Ben Johnson, in his fourth season as the Gophers’ head coach, said Saturday. “They’ve gelled as a team. We’ve had to play through ups and downs, and we still figured it out. I know they don’t want it to end.”

The Gophers have secured a spot in the season-ending conference tournament, the winner of which earns the Big Ten’s automatic bid to the NCAA tournament. That’s not likely, but it’s not out of the question that Minnesota receives an NIT bid next Sunday.

Have the Gophers done eight for a second straight NIT bid?

“I wish I had a good answer,” Johnson said. “I have no idea, but I do know this: The best thing to do is keep winning. If you keep winning, all that takes care of itself.”

The only reason the Gophers aren’t a lock to make the second-tier postseason tournament is a handful of bad losses at home — North Texas, Northwestern and a double-overtime loss to Ohio State they had all but won in regulation.

Otherwise, the Gophers have the wins to make them attractive: No. 17 Michigan, then-No. 15 Oregon and Ivy League champion Yale.

Plus, the Gophers have a 7-8 record against Quad 1 teams. That’s a better ranking against Quad 1 — an NCAA tournament selection metric that uses opponents, sites and statistics to rank wins and losses — than eight teams ahead of them in the Big Ten standings, including Ohio State, No. 35 in the NET rankings.

If the Gophers are at least overachievers, and at best a first step in Johnson getting his program on track. He has one year left on his contract, and two guaranteed games to show athletics director Mark Coyle he is the answer.

Johnson said his team is essentially healthy, even Garcia, the team’s leading scorer who pulled himself out of last Sunday’s victory at Nebraska because of a sore ankle. And, the coach points out, Rutgers is a Quad 1 team, as well.

“I’ve talked to the guys about that: ‘Think of where we started. Now we have the opportunity to go on the road against a really good Rutgers team and play for the 11th seed (in the conference tournament).’ Now, it’s about the opportunity to challenge themselves and combine that with some momentum. It’s all positive.”

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Flights, smiles and hits mark Justin Brazeau’s first day with the Wild

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VANCOUVER, British Columbia – You get to see plenty of North America when you are a professional hockey player. Justin Brazeau, the newest member of the Minnesota Wild, didn’t know he would be seeing most of it in one day.

Late Thursday, when his former team – the Boston Bruins – had a game in Raleigh, N.C., versus the Carolina Hurricanes, Brazeau was held out, as a trade was in the works. When the Bruins had come to an agreement with Wild general manager Bill Guerin that would bring the hulking winger to the State of Hockey in exchange for Jakub Lauko, Marat Khusnutdinov and a late round draft pick, Minnesota’s team services folks began making hasty arrangements to get Brazeau to Vancouver from the other side of the continent.

With the Bruins in full “fire sale” mode, jettisoning players like Charlie Coyle (to Colorado) and Brad Marchand (to Florida), Brazeau admitted an inkling that he might be switching jersey colors, as well.

“I kind of had a feeling something might be coming in,” said Brazeau, following his Wild debut in a 3-1 loss to the Canucks on Friday night. “Obviously you’re never fully ready for it, but yeah, I kind of had a feeling something was gonna happen the last couple of days, so just trying to be ready for anything, mentally ready for that, and I just kind of go with the flow of it.”

His Friday began at 8 a.m. ET (5 a.m. on the West Coast) with a flight from Raleigh to Denver. After a layover of a few hours where he tried to catch up on all of the trade news to see where his former Bruins teammates were headed, Brazeau flew from Denver to Vancouver, arriving at the team hotel a few hours before they went to Rogers Arena and grabbing some food. He tried to sleep as much as possible on the planes.

On the ice, Brazeau played nine shifts on the team’s fourth line, getting a bit more than seven minutes of ice time. He admitted that adjusting to a new team and a new system, with travel-weary legs, was a challenge. But his new coach liked what was displayed in that small sample size.

“I give him a lot of credit. Obviously emotional for him. He gets traded and he’s got a lot of travel, and came in and showed in,” Wild coach John Hynes said postgame. “I think he’s got good hockey sense, he gets to the net. I like that line in general and brings some good size, brought some physicality to the game. So, it’s nice. I thought under the circumstances that he had, I give him a lot of credit. I thought he showed up to play for our team tonight in a strong way.”

Originally from the lakes country of Ontario, north of Toronto, Brazeau said his only previous relationship on the Wild is veteran forward Marcus Foligno, who is from the same region, and is an occasional guest on a podcast hosted by a few of Brazeau’s friends. But Foligno and all of his new teammates made an effort to welcome the new guy to the Wild.

“The guys are great, welcoming me in when I got here and making me feel really comfortable, so it was good,” he said.

After a long day of travel and a frustrating result on the ice, a welcoming smile and handshake still go a long way.

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