MINNESOTA TWINS
“Handle with Care”
After injurious years
Buxton’s garnering cheers
Returning to outfield action
But we’re fearing, by fall
He’ll again hit the wall
And he finishes season in traction
MINNEAPOLIS, MN – JUNE 1: Byron Buxton #25 of the Minnesota Twins reacts after getting hit by a pitch during the fourth inning against the Cleveland Guardians at Target Field on June 1, 2023 in Minneapolis, Minnesota. The Twins defeated the Guardians 7-6. (Photo by Matt Krohn/Getty Images)
LOS ANGELES DODGERS
“Shohei the Money”
Ohtani is destined to thrill
On Dodgers with Freeman and Betts
But he’d need 700 mill
To pay his interpreter’s debts
GLENDALE, ARIZONA – MARCH 12: Shohei Ohtani #17 of the Los Angeles Dodgers warms up on deck during the fifth inning of the MLB spring game at Camelback Ranch on March 12, 2024 in Glendale, Arizona. (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)
TEXAS RANGERS
“The Last Shall Be First”
This outfit was quite minor leaguer
‘Til spending a boatload on Seager
Caused a billion brain cramps
By becoming world champs
An all-time upset by the meager
Texas Rangers manager Bruce Bochy celebrates with the trophy after winning Game 5 of the baseball World Series against the Arizona Diamondbacks Wednesday, Nov. 1, 2023, in Phoenix. The Rangers won 5-0 to win the series 4-1. (AP Photo/Brynn Anderson)
MILWAUKEE BREWERS
“Arms Race Lost”
With no Woodruff, no Burnes
Milwaukee’s fate turns
The Brew Crew is stuck with no aces
It will be quite the bummer
Spending all of this summer
Bouncing round between fourth and fifth places
NEW YORK, NEW YORK – SEPTEMBER 10: Corbin Burnes #39 of the Milwaukee Brewers pitches in the bottom of the eighth inning against the New York Yankees at Yankee Stadium on September 10, 2023 in the Bronx borough of New York City. (Photo by Christopher Pasatieri/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES
“Brotherly Choke”
Fans were laughing themselves very silly
On the brink of World Series in Philly
But instead of a rout
D-Backs knocked Phillies out
Drowned their woes in Bud Light: Dilly! Dilly
PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA – OCTOBER 24: Bryce Harper #3 of the Philadelphia Phillies reacts after flying out against the Arizona Diamondbacks during the fifth inning in Game Seven of the Championship Series at Citizens Bank Park on October 24, 2023 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Tim Nwachukwu/Getty Images)
BOSTON RED SOX
“Dumpster Fire of the Vanities”
Sox have been pretty sloppy
Since the exit of Poppy
Mediocrity soils The Hub
Now the Fenway Park snobs
Join the working-class slobs
In booing their second-rate club
HOUSTON, TEXAS – OCTOBER 22: Christian Arroyo #39 and manager Alex Cora #13 of the Boston Red Sox look on from the dugout against the Houston Astros during the fourth inning in Game Six of the American League Championship Series at Minute Maid Park on October 22, 2021 in Houston, Texas. (Photo by Elsa/Getty Images)
OAKLAND ATHLETICS
“Loss, Vegas”
Almost done with their Oakland hiatus
Set to stink up the Strip once in Vegas
Will take oodles of luck
For this putrid lame duck
To get out of the cellar; they’re stuck
OAKLAND, CALIFORNIA – APRIL 28: With the decision to move from Oakland to Las Vegas fans of the Oakland Athletics hang signs from the right field seats during the game against the Cincinnati Reds at RingCentral Coliseum on April 28, 2023 in Oakland, California. (Photo by Thearon W. Henderson/Getty Images)
ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS
“You Cannot be Series-ous”
Arizonans saw their phoenix arise
The Diamondbacks’ surge was no fake
T’would only be more of surprise
If they somehow elect Kari Lake
PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA – OCTOBER 24: Gabriel Moreno #14, Paul Sewald #38 and Emmanuel Rivera #15 of the Arizona Diamondbacks celebrate after beating the Philadelphia Phillies 4-2 in Game Seven of the Championship Series at Citizens Bank Park on October 24, 2023 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Rich Schultz/Getty Images)
CHICAGO CUBS
“Stuck in Wrigleyville”
Bellinger came back on the Chicago stage
He’s gonna cash in, said the chorus
But he’s playing this season for minimum wage
GMs tired of paying Scott Boras
ATLANTA, GEORGIA – SEPTEMBER 26: Cody Bellinger #24 of the Chicago Cubs reacts after scoring on a RBI single by Yan Gomes #15 in the second inning at Truist Park on September 26, 2023 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)
NEW YORK YANKEES
“From So-so to Soto”
The Yankees broke bank to sign Soto
With a World Series title their goal
They’ve got better chance winning the lotto
If elbow’s disabling Cole
New York Yankees’ Juan Soto hits an RBI single during the fifth inning of a baseball game against the Houston Astros, Thursday, March 28, 2024, in Houston. (AP Photo/Kevin M. Cox)
ATLANTA BRAVES
“Ronald Trumped”
Acuna’s alone: 40-70 Dude!
A season of glorious thrills
But come each October, a sickening mood
When Braves get dismantled by Phils
PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA – OCTOBER 12: Ronald Acuna Jr. #13 of the Atlanta Braves reacts after flying out in the seventh inning against the Philadelphia Phillies during Game Four of the Division Series at Citizens Bank Park on October 12, 2023 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Rich Schultz/Getty Images)
TORONTO BLUE JAYS
“Fat City”
The most likely scenario
For the fans of Ontario
More angst from their overblown club
They put all faith in Vladdie
Who is far from his daddy
Stuck with star who’s a bit of a chub
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA – OCTOBER 04: Vladimir Guerrero Jr. #27 of the Toronto Blue Jays reacts after being tagged out by Carlos Correa #4 of the Minnesota Twins during the fifth inning in Game Two of the Wild Card Series at Target Field on October 04, 2023 in Minneapolis, Minnesota. (Photo by David Berding/Getty Images)
MIAMI MARLINS
“Single Hitter”
Arraez remained quite the hitter
When he came to the Fish from the Twins
But in South Beach he’s bound to turn bitter
‘Cause their fans are outnumbered by wins
MIAMI, FLORIDA – SEPTEMBER 15: Luis Arraez #3 of the Miami Marlins celebrates hitting a home run against the Atlanta Braves during the first inning at loanDepot park on September 15, 2023 in Miami, Florida. (Photo by Rich Storry/Getty Images)
BALTIMORE ORIOLES
“The Busts of October”
T’was not in the cards
In old Camden Yards
After Orioles’ ‘23 rise
Dreams collapsed in a heap
Thanks to postseason sweep
Charm City: where hope always dies
BALTIMORE, MARYLAND – OCTOBER 08: Adley Rutschman #35 of the Baltimore Orioles runs to first base against the Texas Rangers during Game Two of the American League Division Series at Oriole Park at Camden Yards on October 08, 2023 in Baltimore, Maryland. (Photo by Patrick Smith/Getty Images)
LOS ANGELES ANGELS
“Mike Drop”
There’s never been reason to doubt
The hall of fame talent of Trout
Yet they’ll never go far
‘Til they clone superstar
There’s no end to their postseason drought
TEMPE, ARIZONA – FEBRUARY 24:Mike Trout #27 of the Los Angeles Angels looks on during a spring training exhibition against the Los Angeles Dodgers at the Peoria Sports Complex on February 24, 2024 in Tempe, Arizona. (Photo by Steph Chambers/Getty Images)
CINCINNATI REDS
“Red Hots”
The Nati is filled with young hitters
Forgive us for pointing out truth
They’re playing in kiddie-size ballpark
Where everyone slugs like Babe Ruth
CLEVELAND, OHIO – SEPTEMBER 26: Elly De La Cruz #44 of the Cincinnati Reds watches a two-run home run during the ninth inning against the Cleveland Guardians at Progressive Field on September 26, 2023 in Cleveland, Ohio. (Photo by Jason Miller/Getty Images)
HOUSTON ASTROS
“The Yordan Rules”
Alvarez is true hitting king
His tape-measure homers are fabled
Yet ‘Stros won’t be adding a ring
With most starting pitchers disabled
HOUSTON, TEXAS – OCTOBER 23: Yordan Alvarez #44 of the Houston Astros celebrates from third base after hitting a triple against Max Scherzer #31 of the Texas Rangers during the third inning in Game Seven of the American League Championship Series at Minute Maid Park on October 23, 2023 in Houston, Texas. (Photo by Carmen Mandato/Getty Images)
NEW YORK METS
“Billions”
In Flushing, they’re knowin’
That, thanks to Steve Cohen
The Mets will be leaders in spending
But success is bewitching
This year, got no pitching
Another debacle’s impending
NEW YORK, NEW YORK – FEBRUARY 10: Mets owner Steve Cohen at the opening of the coronavirus (COVID-19) vaccination site at Citi Field on February 10, 2021 in the Queens borough of New York City. The inoculation site will focus on providing vaccinations to Queens residents, food service workers, and taxi drivers. (Photo by David Dee Delgado/Getty Images)
SAN DIEGO PADRES
“Can You Hear the Taps, Fernando?”
The ‘23 Padres were trending
Thanks to ungodly splurges of spending
But this franchise is cursed
Several miles out of first
Their delusions of grandeur are ending
OAKLAND, CALIFORNIA – SEPTEMBER 15: Fernando Tatis Jr. #23 of the San Diego Padres celebrates after hitting a solo home run in the top of the first inning against the Oakland Athletics at RingCentral Coliseum on September 15, 2023 in Oakland, California. Players are wearing #21 and patches with 21 in honor of Roberto Clemente Day. (Photo by Lachlan Cunningham/Getty Images)
SEATTLE MARINERS
“Pacific Coast”
Won no titles with Griffey
With Ichiro, still iffy
They’ve won no more rings than the Pilots
But at last, M’s are blessed
They’re American League’s best
Get ready for Space Needle riots
PEORIA, ARIZONA – MARCH 07: Julio Rodriguez #44 of the Seattle Mariners slaps hands with fans on his way to the dugout before a spring training game against the Los Angeles Angels at Peoria Sports Complex on March 07, 2024 in Peoria, Arizona. (Photo by Aaron Doster/Getty Images)
PLAYOFF PREDICTIONS
National League East:
1. Braves 2. Phillies 3. Marlins 4. Mets 5. Nationals
National League Central:
1. Cubs 2. Reds 3. Cardinals 4. Pirates 5. Brewers
National League West:
1. Dodgers 2. Diamondbacks 3. Padres 4. Giants 5. Rockies
National League wild cards:
Phillies over Cubs, Diamondbacks over Reds
National League Division Series:
Dodgers over Phillies, Braves over Diamondbacks
National League Championship Series:
Braves over Dodgers
American League East:
1. Orioles 2. Blue Jays 3. Rays 4. Yankees 5. Red Sox
American League Central:
1. Twins 2. Tigers 3. Guardians 4. Royals 5. White Sox
American League West:
1. Mariners 2. Astros 3. Rangers 4. Angels 5. Athletics
American League wild cards:
Astros over Rangers, Mariners over Blue Jays
American League Division Series:
Orioles over Astros, Mariners over Twins
American League Championship Series:
Mariners over Orioles
2024 World Series:
Braves over Mariners
You can hear Kevin Cusick on Wednesdays on Bob Sansevere’s “BS Show” podcast on iTunes. You can follow Kevin on Twitter — @theloopnow. He can be reached at kcusick@pioneerpress.com
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