By Kimberly Palmer | NerdWallet

The investing information provided on this page is for educational purposes only. NerdWallet, Inc. does not offer advisory or brokerage services, nor does it recommend or advise investors to buy or sell particular stocks, securities or other investments.

Rahkim Sabree, a financial therapist and accredited financial counselor based in the Hartford, Connecticut area, worked hard in his 20s to achieve his dream of buying a house. At age 26, he finally did.

But soon afterward, he second-guessed himself after he came across a financial expert online who declared that buying a home was a bad move for young people. This particular expert encouraged renting instead.

Sabree felt crushed.

“Buying a home was an emotionally charged and scary decision for someone who didn’t grow up in a house and aspired for homeownership,” says Sabree, now 34. “To have it pooh-poohed was disheartening.”

Now, Sabree, along with a new wave of financial experts — many of whom have backgrounds in financial therapy and trauma-informed training — want to put a stop to online “financial shaming.”

Some self-declared money experts frequently make people feel embarrassed about their choices or financial situations, even using words like “stupid” or “idiot.”

That kind of inflammatory language can make people feel badly about themselves or even push them to avoid thinking about their finances altogether, which doesn’t help anyone improve their money situation, says Shannah Game, host of the “Everyone’s Talkin’ Money” podcast.

Traditional financial advice “often overlooks the systemic issues that can contribute to people’s difficulties, and instead places blame on individuals,” says Game, who is also a certified financial planner based in Asheville, North Carolina. “Language needs to be more inclusive and come from a softer, gentler approach because everyone’s situation is so different.”

Here are some ways to find financial advice that won’t make you feel ashamed.

Take a customized approach

Some financial planning advice is too rigid, says David Peters, a tax practitioner and financial advisor in Richmond, Virginia. It can be discouraging for those unable to follow along.

Peters points to one budgeting hallmark, the 50/30/20 approach, which suggests people allocate 50% of their after-tax income to needs (including any minimum loan payments), 30% to wants and 20% to savings and debt payments beyond the minimum.

That formula might be impossible for some people, especially anyone living in an expensive city on a modest income, Peters says.

Instead of struggling to follow a strict system that doesn’t make sense for your situation, Peters suggests designing a budget that works for you. Similarly, other common rules of thumb, such as paying off all debt before starting to save money, or maxing out retirement savings, might not be realistic or even a good idea for people on limited budgets.

Peters suggests picking a goal that makes sense for your unique circumstances. That might mean putting some money into an emergency savings account while continuing to pay off outstanding credit card debt, or saving just 2% of income into a retirement account, then slowly raising that percentage over time.

“Don’t be too worried about a specific number,” Peters suggests. “Just be constantly making progress toward your goal.”

Ask people to share their mistakes

Sometimes, asking people to share mistakes they’ve made can spark more inclusive conversations about money, Game says.

“There is this perception that there should be a level of perfectionism when it comes to money,” she says, such as being debt-free or having a perfect credit score.

People can feel like there’s something wrong with them when they don’t achieve that.

“Let’s encourage conversations around money not just about the successes, but about the challenges and things that are really hard for us,” Game says. That way, people can connect and feel supported, since no one is perfect.

Celebrate progress, not just big milestones

Taking note of little wins, such as saving even a small amount, making one extra debt payment or sticking to a budget for two months in a row, can build confidence and chip away at the shame.

That’s what worked for Olivia Lima, a CFP for Abundo Wealth in Sioux Falls, South Dakota.

“When I was trying to right my ship financially, I would keep a list and write down all my financial wins, even if they were tiny,” she says.

The list could include paying an extra $20 on a credit card bill or being able to handle an unexpected expense.

“You’ll hit a day when you feel discouraged and like you’re getting everything wrong, so you can look back on that list. It’s so valuable,” she says.

Embrace positive budgeting

Lima says a budgeting approach that focuses on what you can’t or shouldn’t have can invoke feelings of shame.

She suggests a more positive take: “It’s not about setting restrictions, but making conscious decisions. How do you want to use the dollars you have?”

For some people, the answer might be travel; others might focus on home improvements.

Using visual charts or graphics with color or pictograms to track your spending and saving can make budgeting feel fun and motivating instead of a drag that induces negative feelings, she says.

Follow shame-free experts

Today, many financial therapists create content that removes shame and guilt from personal finance, Sabree says.

“I am inspired by a lot of my peers who take a trauma-informed approach to personal finance,” he says. Following those kinds of financial experts on social media can help filter out shame-promoting posts.

“They reframe the thought process,” Sabree says, and offer support and guidance without resorting to making someone feel bad for previous decisions or situations.

That kind of supportive environment can make it easier to make smart decisions going forward without stirring up negative feelings about the past.

Kimberly Palmer writes for NerdWallet. Email: kpalmer@nerdwallet.com. Twitter: @kimberlypalmer.

The article How to Get Money Advice Without a Side of Shame originally appeared on NerdWallet.

By Beth Dooley, The Minnesota Star Tribune

I adore beets of all kinds: the earthy sweet, the lurid magenta, the striped pink and the goldens. Sure, they’re not to everyone’s taste, but their strong character stands up to a range of intense flavors — vinegar, horseradish, mustard, piquant dairy sauces, vinaigrettes, smoked fish.

I like them best either steamed or roasted. Cooking mitigates the effects of geosmin, the natural earthy compound that beets contain that is associated with the vegetable’s smell of “fresh rain” and “forest soil.” Early in the season, beets are mild and sweet; as they mature, they become more assertive, more themselves.

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Beets are like sponges and absorb flavors quickly, especially if dressed while still warm and left to cool before so the flavors are fully absorbed and then re-dressed before serving to give them a boost. The same applies to other root vegetables such as carrots, potatoes, rutabagas and turnips.

It’s hard to beat the beet-goat cheese salad combo, but there’s plenty more to love. Toss beets with your favorite lemon or lime vinaigrette, curried yogurt and horseradish sauce. Beets pair nicely with salty cured meats and smoked fish. Cooked beets will keep at least five days in the refrigerator in a covered container, ready for last minute side dishes, salads and grain bowls.

Red beets “bleed” and stain ferociously, so roast them wrapped in foil until just tender; cooking times will vary depending on the size and age of the beet. Leave the skins intact until the beet is cooked, then peel them in the skink (ditch the white shirt). Those pink and white striped Chioggia and golden beets hardly bleed at all, but a red-stained cutting board is the mark of a trusty home cook.

Roast Beet Salad With Horseradish-Yogurt Cream

Serves 4 to 6

Succulent chunks of roast beets are drizzled with a robust horseradish-spiked yogurt cream. You can prepare the beets and the dressing ahead and hold them in a covered container in the refrigerator for four days then assemble the salad right before serving. From Beth Dooley.

2 small bunches (about 2 lb.) beets, washed, leaves removed
2 tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
½ c. plain whole milk Greek yogurt
2 tbsp. prepared horseradish sauce, or more to taste
1 tbsp. fresh lemon juice
1 tbsp. minced parsley, plus more for garnish
3 scallions, trimmed and sliced into ⅛ in.-sized pieces

Directions

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Drizzle the beets with the oil, season with salt and pepper, and wrap in aluminum foil. Set on a baking sheet and roast until the beets are tender (a skewer should easily slide through), about 35 to 45 minutes, depending on the size of the beets.
While the beets are roasting, whisk together the yogurt, horseradish, lemon juice and parsley. Set aside.
Remove beets from oven and allow to cool. Once cooled, peel the beets over the sink. Cut into ½-inch size chunks and arrange on a large serving plate or individual plates. Drizzle the dressing over, garnish with scallions and additional chopped parsley.

Beth Dooley is the author of “The Perennial Kitchen.” Find her at bethdooleyskitchen.com.

©2024 The Minnesota Star Tribune. Visit at startribune.com. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

By Gretchen McKay, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

Pork is a versatile and nutritious alternative to chicken or beef, lending itself to everything from stir-fries and tacos to gyoza and barbecue sandwiches. Yet when it comes to one of its most recognizable and popular cuts, the humble pork chop, it can also be a bit frustrating.

Because it’s such a lean source of protein, with less marbling than a shoulder cut, pork chops cook pretty quickly. In fact, they’re ready so quickly that it’s super easy to overcook them, resulting in a dish that’s dry, tough and hopelessly chewy.

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This Vietnamese American dish from “Top Chef” alum Tu David Phu’s new cookbook, “The Memory of Home,” cracks the code. I’ll go as far to say they might be the easiest and tastiest pork chops I have ever made.

While the chops are pan-fried, they’re first marinated overnight or all day in a savory-sweet mix of fish and oyster sauces, honey, garlic, shallot, lemongrass and five-spice powder.

When the meat hits the hot pan, the marinade — bursting with umami — quickly caramelizes as it cooks, creating both a wonderful char on the chops and a sticky, garlicky sauce to spoon over it. It also helps keep the meat both tender and juicy.

Once the chops are removed, day-old rice is added to the hot pan of pork drippings. As it cooks, it absorbs all the flavor along with any bits of browned pork that stuck to the pan. Fabulous!

I served it, as suggested, sliced across the grain into chop stick-friendly pieces, with cherry tomatoes and thin slices of cucumber.

Pan-Fried Pork Chops with Fried Rice

Serves 4, PG tested

These caramelized, pan-fried pork chops are made in the same cast-iron pan as the fried rice. (Gretchen McKay/Pittsburgh Post-Gazette/TNS)

For marinade

3 tablespoons fish sauce

3 tablespoons oyster sauce

1 teaspoon minced ginger

1 teaspoon minced garlic

1 teaspoon minced shallot

1 teaspoon minced lemongrass

1/4 cup sliced green onions, white and green parts

1 teaspoon five-spice powder

1 tablespoon sugar

2 tablespoons orange marmalade or honey

1 teaspoon sesame oil

For dish

4 bone-in pork shops, cut 1/2-inch thick

2 tablespoons neutral oil, such as vegetable

2 1/2 cups day-old rice

Sliced cucumber and whole cherry tomatoes, for garnish

DIRECTIONS

Combine fish sauce, oyster sauce, ginger, garlic, shallot, lemongrass, green onions, five-spice powder, sugar, marmalade or honey, and sesame oil in a large bowl and mix thoroughly.
Add pork chops to the bowl with the marinade, then give them a 5-minute massage.
Place bowl in fridge and allow to marinate for at least 8 hours or overnight. (I let them rest while I was in the office.) Half an hour before you plan to start cooking, take the bowl out of the fridge and allow it to rest at room temperature for 30 minutes.
Get started cooking pork chops. Set a large, heavy frying pan over medium heat. Give the pan 3 minutes to heat through, then add in the neutral oil.
Once the oil starts to shimmer, tilt pan away from your body and gently lay in the pork chops. Place each chop in the frying pan starting with the part closest to you so that the pork doesn’t splash oil in your direction.
Fry for 5 minutes on each side, or until they register an internal temperature of 145 degrees on a probe thermometer.
Remove the pan from heat and transfer the chops to a cooling rack or cutting board. Rest them for a couple minutes.
Throw cooked rice into the pan with the drippings so it absorbs them as it cooks.
Keep cooking rice for 5 minutes, or until most of the moisture is absorbed. If it seems too dry, add a splash of water to the pan and let rice cook another minute or until absorbed.
Cut pork against the grain into pieces that you can pick up with chopsticks. Garnish with cucumber and tomato and serve immediately.

— “The Memory of Taste: Vietnamese American Recipes from Phu Quoc, Oakland and the Spaces Between” by Tu David Phu and Soleil Ho (Random House, $32.50)

©2024 PG Publishing Co. Visit at post-gazette.com. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.