Amy Lindgren
It’s no mystery why people stay in jobs they don’t like. Most need the money or benefits, some fear they can’t find another job, some struggle with inertia or prefer “the devil they know” to the risk of landing in a worse situation.
The reasons for staying are something most of us have experienced at one time or another. The real question isn’t why, but how. How do people manage to stay, and how do they cope with feeling trapped? And can you take a page from their book if you’re in a similar position?
Here are some coping mechanisms I’ve either observed, recommended or tried myself over the years. Maybe something here will help you as well, should you find yourself holding onto a job you don’t like.
Mitigate what you can
Do your hours coincide with a troubling co-worker’s hours? Are you dealing with a client who can’t be pleased? Maybe your boss gives unclear instructions, creating unfair criticism for your performance. Some things in a difficult job can be resolved or eased, while others will be intractable. Try these steps to figure out what might be possible:
First, make a complaint list. Pro tip: This should probably be done on a day off, to keep a bad workday from feeling even worse. Just write down everything that’s not working for you in this job, from the miniscule to the major.
Now go through the list twice. The first time to mark the items that impact you the most and then to mark things that might be solvable. If there’s any overlap, tackle those. If not, work on easing two or three of the most solvable, despite not being the most important.
Even if the entire exercise only yields a pair of noise-cancelling headphones or a more commutable start time, there’s a certain satisfaction in exercising control. And sometimes small steps lead to more confidence and then bigger steps. Or sometimes they just shift the needle from unbearable to bearable for a little while longer.
Focus on an outside goal
Yes, you’re staying because you need money. But why, exactly? Are you saving for something, trying to pay something off, just trying to make ends meet? Maybe you’re putting someone through school or building your career.
Your goals are likely to shift now and then so it’s worth checking: Is this job still helping you get wherever you’re going? If the goals have gotten murky, it’s time to revisit them. What do you want for yourself or your family, and how is this job making that happen? Once you have that answer, remind yourself every day as you head back into the lion’s den: You’re doing this for a reason, it’s not pointless, the sacrifice will matter.
Unless it won’t, that is. If you’re goal-less and you hate your job besides, it’s time to revisit the question of feeling trapped. For example, are you trapped because your expenses overwhelm your income?
Fix something else in your life
A household budget that isn’t balancing might be eased with a second job, or a roommate or by cutting back on something. We all know that. But what if you’re coming home to a difficult relationship or a house that’s falling apart? Or maybe everything is going south all at once. Good grief.
It’s time for another list. This time write down everything that’s not working in your life and include your worries besides. Another pro tip: schedule something right after this, such as a walk with a friend or an upbeat movie to watch. Making this list can take a toll.
Once you’ve captured what’s weighing you down, mark those items that are adding to or creating some of the other problems. For example, if you have an unreliable car that forces a longer commute by bus which keeps you from having a pet, you may have identified a stressor that’s creating other stressors.
If this was your situation, you’d already know you have a car problem. But you might not have tallied up how many areas of your life it’s affecting. Knowing isn’t the same as solving, but it’s a critical first step.
Just hang on
Easier said than done, but sometimes that’s all there is when you’re grinding it out on a job you can’t leave. In that case, stay ready for your luck to change — keep your résumé updated, for example — so you can fly out the door when the opportunity presents itself.
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Amy Lindgren owns a career consulting firm in St. Paul. She can be reached at alindgren@prototypecareerservice.com.
