Following testimony from a state representative and a review of dozens of pages of text messages, a Ramsey County family court referee tossed out a petition this week for a restraining order against newly elected St. Paul Mayor Kaohly Her filed by a former family friend.
Shirly Yang, a former confidante of the mayor, told the court she attends weekly therapy and was driven to thoughts of suicide after her friendship with Her deteriorated into a war of words by text message last summer, causing Yang to fear retaliation.
Yang said the two served together on the board of the National Kidney Foundation in Minnesota from October 2023 until October 2025, when the executive director dropped her from her board seat, citing her “public conflict” with Her, who was then still a state representative.
Yang said she was a suburban “nobody, twice divorced” and in the midst of a child-custody dispute when Her introduced her last year to state Rep. Ethan Cha, a DFLer who represents Woodbury and part of Washington County.
The two started an on-again, off-again romantic relationship, and Her began asking increasingly intrusive questions about their sex lives, oversharing about her own personal life, and calling or texting from 6 a.m. to 1 a.m., said Yang, who represented herself before the court.
“I tried to set boundaries without hurting her feelings,” said Yang, whose petition describes unwanted conversations Her allegedly initiated around spirituality, sexuality and the personal lives of the mayor’s children.
Under direct examination from Yang, Cha testified that he considered himself a neutral party between the two women and had tried without success to get both sides to de-escalate the situation and avoid legal proceedings.
Her, who appeared in court represented by attorney Charlie Nauen and Rachel Kitze Collins of Lockridge Grindal Nauen, did not testify Tuesday. Nauen noted in his questions to Yang that both women had blocked each other on social media and have had almost no contact since the end of last July, other than meeting for mediation Nov. 2 with two elders in the Hmong community.
Yang displayed a thread of text messages from last July on an overhead screen. Her had written to Cha at the time that if Yang’s behavior continued she risked being psychiatrically committed, at great loss to her four children.
“Please get her to stop sending threats,” Her wrote at the time. “I don’t want to take action against her and get her committed. I can lose a race but she can lose her life and livelihood.”
Yang said she was “terrified” by the wording. Her and her husband “threatened legal action if I refused to talk to them,” Yang wrote, in her petition for a harassment restraining order. “I felt helpless.”
Cha testified he felt Her had escalated the situation, but that he also had concerns about Yang’s mental stability.
Yang, who continued to criticize Her and her mayoral campaign on Facebook, posted a picture to social media of one of Her’s campaign fliers with the candidate’s name crossed out on Oct. 13. When she lost her board seat with the National Kidney Foundation a week later, she said she came to see the July text thread as a serious threat on her life and employment, and filed a petition for an emergency restraining order Nov. 17.
It was not initially approved. In blocking the subsequent petition Tuesday, court referee Elizabeth Clysdale said there was no evidence the July text was intended in a threatening manner or that there was a sustained pattern of intrusive behavior.
In an interview after the 90-minute hearing, Yang said she had no plans to appeal the decision and that she thought her anti-bullying message to the mayor had gotten through.
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“Mayor Her is pleased with the referee’s decision to dismiss this matter from the bench, finding that the petitioner did not meet her burden of proof,” Nauen wrote in a public statement Tuesday.
“In this day and age, public figures are subject to many unfounded allegations attacking their integrity,” he added. “Mayor Her appreciated the opportunity to clear her name and looks forward to getting back to work. She hopes petitioner finds peace and wishes her well.”
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