Amy Lindgren
Job searching can be challenging no matter what your circumstances may be, but those caring for aging parents have a double challenge. In addition to conducting the search itself, they must also identify employers and roles to support the delicate balance between work and caretaking – all while continuing to help their parents.
That’s a lot. Unfortunately for these individuals, more might be coming as we enter the holiday season. Professionals in geriatric services tell us that issues related to older family members will often surface during the holidays, particularly if those elders live on their own.
That’s when adult children may notice that their parents’ struggles go beyond needing a hand with medical appointments or financial matters. Suddenly, what sounded like fatigue on the phone may look like downright frailty in person. All at once, the question arises in whispered conversations, “Is Mom all right to stay here on her own?”
I’ve described this situation in columns from previous years, but with some of our safety nets in danger, the topic is sadly timely again. When government services and nonprofit budgets are curtailed, more elder care falls to the family. More specifically, those duties are likely to land partly or fully on family members who don’t have jobs.
If you are one of these unemployed caretakers, you may have mixed emotions about the situation. On the one hand, it’s good that you have the time to help your parents, but on the other hand, is it possible that doing so is hurting your prospects for finding a job?
Yes, it is possible. While adult children in this position often describe caretaking as a privilege, the process can still exact a heavy toll, particularly for an unemployed worker whose job search is affected.
Here are some of the effects on adult children when the issues of unemployment and elder care collide:
— Uncertainty in choosing a new career. If your parent needs help, should you really take work that requires travel, or extra hours? In some cases, saying no to these options means turning down career-building pathways in favor of work that is easier to flex.
— A sense of obligation to live and work near the parent. As things get more intense, it’s not uncommon for adult children to move closer or even share housing with their parents. This can close off some job opportunities that are site-specific.
— Difficulty staying focused. Gaining job search momentum can feel impossible when the day is punctuated with caretaking duties. Caretakers can feel more like on-call assistants than job seekers, and the productivity of the search reflects that reality.
The following tips may not be very comprehensive in light of such a complex situation, but if you are an adult caretaker who needs to complete a job search, they may help.
1. Don’t assume you’re the best or only person to help. Yes, you may be conveniently unemployed right now, but how is that a qualification? Ask yourself: If I were working full time, or living far away, how would I deal with this?
2. List all possible sources of help, including other family members. Too often, the sibling who is nearest – or the one without a job – is the one expected to step in. This person may even move in with the elderly parent, prompting other siblings to reason, “Well, free rent is a good exchange for helping Dad.” If this is happening to you, remember that you’ll get the most help if you ask for it.
3. Think realistically about your own limits. How many hours a week can you take away from job search? Or, how many hours is your personal limit? Once you have that number, focus on problem-solving to fill in the gaps in the care your parents need.
4. Consider dropping a job search altogether for now. Of course you can’t afford that. But if the effective result of not focusing on your search will be a year of unemployment, how is that different from deciding to step out for the year to focus on your parents?
That’s not meant to sound harsh, by the way, but to give you courage: You do have some control in this situation, little as it may seem. Remember that as much as you love your parents and want to help them, they love you too and don’t want to see you suffer from providing that help. Find the middle ground between doing nothing and doing everything, and you’ll likely survive this period with both your family and career intact.
Amy Lindgren owns a career consulting firm in St. Paul. She can be reached at alindgren@prototypecareerservice.com.
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