Bruce Helmer and Peg Webb
Families across America are preparing for one of the largest wealth transfers in history. Yet research consistently shows that most failures in passing wealth between generations have little to do with investment mistakes or tax inefficiencies. They are about something far more human: a lack of trust and communication.
That reality leaves many parents with a difficult question: Is it wise to share personal financial information with my adult children? The answer isn’t a simple yes or no. Rather, it depends on timing, maturity, and the way you handle these often-sensitive conversations.
Why families choose to share
For many families, openness about money provides clear benefits. Children who are introduced early to financial concepts tend to become more confident and capable stewards of wealth later in life. Studies suggest that kids between ages 7 and 13 are in a particularly effective window for learning the basics: how money works, why compounding matters, and how to balance spending with saving and giving.
Just as important, sharing financial information fosters trust. A landmark study found that 60% of failed wealth transfers result from poor communication or lack of trust between generations. By comparison, only 25% were due to insufficient preparation of heirs and a mere 15% to other issues such as inadequate planning. In other words, the conversation itself often matters more than the spreadsheets.
Open discussions can also help clarify values. Families that take the time to talk through what money means to them often find themselves better aligned. Parents and adult children should spend time sharing what they hope money will accomplish and how they want it to be used. Some may even create a Family Mission Statement that captures priorities and traditions while allowing space for next-generation perspectives such as corporate responsibility, sustainability or values-based investing.
Why many parents hesitate
It’s easy to understand why some parents hesitate to open the books. Financial information is deeply personal and some worry that disclosing income or inheritance could create entitlement or unnecessary anxiety. Others simply feel uncomfortable sharing numbers that they themselves may have worked hard to earn and protect.
Generational differences are also a reality. Younger family members may push for socially conscious or tech-focused strategies that clash with previously established investment traditions. Without a process for reconciling these differences, such conversations can devolve into conflict.
Finally, timing matters. Not every adult child is prepared to handle the responsibility that comes with knowledge of family finances. Oversharing too soon can backfire. Once sensitive information is shared, it must be carefully safeguarded. Families are right to be concerned over storing digital data and securely exchanging documents.
Finding a better way
The most successful families recognize that the real question is not whether to share, but how to do it wisely. Many start small, introducing children to basic lessons through allowance systems, or even small family loans that must be repaid under agreed terms. As children mature, parents can expand the discussion to more complex topics such as investing, estate planning, and philanthropy.
These conversations are often most effective when formalized. Some families schedule regular meetings, while others plan retreats that allow time both for recreation and thoughtful dialogue. The agenda usually begins with values, then moves to ownership and inheritance, and finally to issues like governance and conflict resolution. Governance can be a powerful tool, providing not just process, but purpose and transparency for decisions across generations.
Professional advisers can often play an important role as facilitators but may not be equipped to handle every conflict. In some cases, bringing in psychologists or mediators can help families work through more emotional issues. Even something as simple as having each person write a letter outlining their concerns can reduce misunderstandings and promote empathy.
Technology and giving can bridge generations
Technology is also reshaping how families plan and communicate. Digital storage and e-signatures make it easier to manage documents, while visualization and AI tools help families explore “what if” scenarios. But this convenience can present new challenges around disclosure, compliance, and cybersecurity.
One area where technology and tradition can meet is philanthropy. Many families find common ground in giving back. Developing a Philanthropic Philosophy Statement helps capture the vision, values, and causes that matter most. It’s a great way to show younger generations how wealth can serve a larger purpose.
A continuing process
Sharing financial information with adult children isn’t a one-time event. It’s an ongoing process that should unfold gradually, with attention to timing, structure and values. The payoff can be significant: stronger trust, better-prepared heirs, and a legacy that extends beyond numbers on a balance sheet.
Ultimately, it’s less about what you have and more about what your wealth means for the generations to come.
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The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual.
Bruce Helmer and Peg Webb are financial advisers at Wealth Enhancement Group and co-hosts of “Your Money” on WCCO 830 AM on Sunday mornings. Email Bruce and Peg at yourmoney@wealthenhancement.com. Advisory services offered through Wealth Enhancement Advisory Services LLC, a registered investment adviser and affiliate of Wealth Enhancement Group.
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