(Courtesy of the author)
Our family pretended its way through the meeting. No one told the truth, not fully, but we all ‘behaved.’ No one said, ‘Dad drinks too much and gets mean, Mom no longer makes sense much of the time, and the kids are suffering and probably shouldn’t be at this therapy session.’ — from “You’re Too Young to Understand”
Liz Fiedorow Sjaastad (Courtesy of the author)
When Liz Fiedorow Sjaastad was a girl, she’d ask why her parents didn’t get along and about other confusing things in her young life. The answer was always: “You’re too young to understand.”
She didn’t understand until her mother was 30 and diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and depression that led to delusions and paranoia. Besides living with a mother who frequently wasn’t available emotionally, Sjaasad’s father was an alcoholic. But everyone, including Liz, her sister and brother, pretended everything was fine.
Published by Wise Ink Media ($20) in observance of Mental Health Awareness month, Sjaastad’s debut is heartbreaking but the chaos in her parents’ household will be familiar to anyone living with a mentally disturbed loved one.
Sjaastad’s father was a Russian immigrant and language professor. When he died, Sjaastad began writing her memoir to process years of grief and family drama. She eventually realized she was writing for everyone who has lived with similar circumstances.
The worst of the family’s crises began when they were spending a year in France while her father taught there. Far from being a great cultural experience, their time abroad brought relationships to a head. Liz’s mother took her and her siblings back home to Illinois, leaving husband/dad alone to attempt suicide.
Sjaastad’s father gained sobriety but had a stroke and her mother cared for him despite her mental challenges. And when her mother deteriorated her father became the caretaker. So although Sjaastad’s childhood was hard, her parents’ lives were a kind of love story. After Sjaastad’s father’s death, her mother’s mental illness worsened and Liz and her sister Kate were responsible for her welfare for four years.
“Those years taught me a lot about my relationship to my mom and my own family, and it opened my eyes to the staggering toll schizophrenia takes on close to a million families in the United States,” she writes.
Working on this book fueled Sjaastad’s advocacy. She spent 20 years on the board of Minneapolis-based Touchstone Mental Health and continues to share her voice to build awareness of schizophrenia. A resident of St. Paul, she had a career in organizational development before turning to writing.
Sjaastad will launch her book May 20 at Open Book, 1011 Washington Ave. S., Mpls. A social hour begins at 6:30 p.m. followed by a 7:15 p.m. reading and book signing. Reservations appreciated but not mandatory. Go to lizsjaastad.com.
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