Amy Lindgren
Do you ever sense that you’re not being listened to, or that your points are being disregarded? Of course you do! That’s practically the human condition. When it happens at work, though, you might have a problem. Communication miscues can reflect badly on you, even when they’re not your fault.
If this happens frequently, it’s time to make some adjustments. Since you can’t change the people you’re communicating with, you’ll need to focus on your end of the equation.
Here are four steps that can improve your workplace communications.
1. Identify your message or goal for the conversation
This can be done in most circumstances, with the exception of random hallway encounters or other situations where you weren’t expecting to talk. We’ll focus here on planned conversations.
As a starting point, ask yourself why you’re attending or requesting the meeting. For example, if you’re expected to present a report, your goal is obvious: Survival. Past that, you can add persuasion if you have a point to make, or just stick to the goal of informing others. For extra credit, however, what about making an impression on someone who’s going to be there, such as your boss’ boss? If you think this report-giving presents an opportunity for something larger, expand your goal accordingly.
On the other hand, if you’ve requested a meeting to talk with a difficult co-worker, or you’re participating in your annual review, your goals will be more personal. By prepping your messages in advance, you’ll be more able to keep the conversation on track if things get emotional.
2. Create your strategic plan
Say you called the meeting, perhaps to ask for a raise — you’ll want to control the logistics. Have you chosen a setting with limited distractions? Did you reserve time on your boss’ calendar? The company isn’t doing layoffs, right? Of course you can’t control everything but doing what you can will improve your odds.
3. Troubleshoot
This is where you ask yourself what could go wrong, and how you can keep that from happening. With luck, you won’t need these precautions but having them in your back pocket could raise your confidence in the real conversation.
4. Practice
Since it’s usually fine to use notes, rehearsing isn’t about memorizing. That said, the more awkwardness you expect, the more you should practice different scenarios. You can do this on your own, but having a trusted friend play the other part might be more revealing.
Helpful resources
When it comes to difficult communication issues, books are my go-to resource for advice and sample dialogues.
These titles are straight off my shelf, so it’s hardly a comprehensive list. Even so, there’s a good range of relevant topics. All are still available online (new or used), and some may have a more recent edition available. Those marked with asterisks are books I turn to often for specific ideas and counsel.
• All You Have to Do Is Ask, by Wayne Baker, 2020. A guide to asking for help at work.
• *Better Presentations, by Jacqueline Farrington, 2023. Clarifying look at issues of confidence that impact effectiveness.
• *How to Say It for Women, by Phyllis Mindell, 2001. Helpful for to speaking more powerfully.
• It’s Not Just Who You Know, by Tommy Spaulding, 2010. Building rewarding work relationships; networking.
• The Job Interview Phrase Book, by Nancy Schuman, 2009. Answers, buzzwords and phrases.
• *Perfect Phrases for Dealing with Difficult Situations at Work, by Susan F. Benjamin, 2008. Short, handy guide.
• Perfect Phrases for Meetings, by Don Debelak, 2008. Includes organizing meeting content.
• The Power of Positive Confrontation, by Barbara Pachter, 2014. Processes for handling difficult conversations.
• Radical Listening, by Christian Van Nieuwerburgh, 2025. A guide to using listening skills to improve connections.
• Running Effective Meetings for Dummies, by Joseph A. Allen, 2023. Process guide for all parts of a meeting.
• *Suddenly Virtual, by Karen M. Reed and Joseph A. Allen, 2021. Process guide for remote meetings.
• *Talk is Not Cheap, by Beverly Inman-Ebel, 1999. Using nonverbals, voice, content, etc. to build communication.
That’s a lot of books, and of course there are podcasts, coaches, classes and any number of additional resources to give your communication a boost. Luckily, you don’t need to try everything at once. If you can find an exercise or tips for a specific situation, you’ll be getting a start on making your communication more powerful.
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Amy Lindgren owns a career consulting firm in St. Paul. She can be reached at alindgren@prototypecareerservice.com.
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