Hmmmmmmmm
GRANDMA PAT, “formerly of rural Roberts, Wisconsin, now of St. Paul”: “I do not have to do any puzzles in my old age. There are enough as it is.
“For instance: A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting on my fourth-floor balcony under a clear blue sky. Two adult granddaughters and a grandson-in-law had come over with tacos. As we sat at the table laughing and talking, a silent gust of wind came and lifted the big table umbrella straight up in the air, out of the heavy base, then out of the small opening in the table. It didn’t knock over anything — not even the tall green San Pellegrino bottle. It continued upward for several feet, then tipped sideways. The umbrella closed, and went speeding over a 6-foot privacy wall and landed on the roof of my next-door neighbor’s apartment. After a few minutes, it slid down onto her balcony. Luckily, it did not hit any of us, and my neighbor was safely away at choir practice.
“I wonder: Is there such a thing as fourth-floor turbulence? Is there any scientific explanation at all? If not, then I guess I’ll just have to go with Mary Poppins — or perhaps a poltergeist. It’s a puzzle!”
Our inflatables, ourselves . . . Independence Day Division
GREGORY J. of Dayton’s Bluff: “There aren’t many outdoor inflatable decorations for the Fourth of July, so I created my own. I used the Svengoolie inflatable that I originally put up for Halloween and later repurposed for Thanksgiving and Christmas.
“I bought the Uncle Sam hat at Michaels Arts and Crafts. When I went to check out, the nice cashier asked me if I was going to wear the hat myself. I told her I was not. Then she wanted to know what I was planning to do with it, because they enjoy hearing what their customers do with the items purchased at the store.
“She asked for it, so I explained that I had an inflatable Svengoolie Halloween yard decoration that I was adapting for the Fourth of July. I further explained that Svengoolie was a horror-movie host on MeTV. Remember that line from ‘A Christmas Story’ when adult narrator Ralphie said that his family looked at him like he had lobsters crawling out of his ears? Well, that was the look I was getting from the cashier and her trainee.
“But then, the woman behind me in line yelled out that she loved Svengoolie and her family watched him every Saturday night. There was another kindred soul. I was vindicated.”
This ’n’ that
From AL B of Hartland: (1) “I hate to brag, but I have a lot of pennies. I’m no billionaire, but I’ve found a penny goes a long way if I never spend it.
“I was introduced to the world of high finance by a coffee can that became my piggy bank. I grew up with real pigs and a piggy bank that looked nothing like a pig. I spent a few months in a hospital when I was a boy, and family members, friends and neighbors gave my parents silver dollars for me. My parents refused to sell me for my salvage price and put all those silver dollars into a coffee can, which was later stolen from our home.
“Now I toss coins into a jar. I make it rain! The jar fills and is carted to the local bank, which has a fancy coin-counting machine.
“Bills promise everything and coins promise little, but I can still make a big decision by flipping a coin.
(2) “I watched a coyote. If coyotes would fetch a stick and slobber on a tennis ball, they’d be widely loved.”
Muse, amuse . . . Plus: Now & Then
THE DORYMAN of Prescott, Wisconsin: (1) “Subject: ‘Sorry, Officer, we gotta go.’
“The latest cartoon in my head shows a couple pulled over by the Highway Patrol. The driver tells the Trooper: ‘I was speeding because my wife needs to use a restroom, so can she wait in your car while you write the ticket?’”
(2) “Subject: Lost but not completely forgotten.
“A minor transgression of a friend and neighbor caused a sunken response to bubble to the surface today. It was a long-dormant, flippant expression of my adolescence that would probably seem entirely new to those not Older Than Dirt.
“The friend and neighbor, who had unknowingly and inadvertently caused me a frustrating problem, needlessly apologized for the issue. My response was not the modern-day ‘No problem’; out popped the far more clever and aged ‘Twenty lashes with a wet noodle.’
“Pretty rad, huh?”
The vision thing
RUSTY of St. Paul: “As my eyes continue to age, I have found it is easier to read with my glasses off and my face close to what I am reading.
“I was reading a column today in a neighborhood newspaper about upcoming changes to Hidden Falls Park in St. Paul. New changes include replacing the picnic shelter, new pavement for the parking lots, a cultural ceremony area — and then I read that a ‘A mature play area is also under consideration.’
“While I’m not a prude (I don’t think), I’m not from California, so I wasn’t so sure about this type of play spot working in buttoned-down St. Paul. I read it again: ‘Mature play area.’ Then moved my face closer to the page. ‘Oh,’ said Rusty. ‘A nature play area.’ For kids.
“Later in the article, a woman who works for the city was quoted: ‘We’ve heard a demand for a nature play area.’ I wish my brain had been still processing it as ‘mature play area,’ as then I would know that St. Paul has become more open-minded than I give it credit for.”
Not exactly what (if anything?) ‘they’ had in mind
TWITTY of Como writes: “Subject: The world around us (or something).
“I’m not sure who had the idea first, but a year ago ‘they’ started dumping dredged-up material (soil) into Pigs Eye Lake, the stated purpose being — as reported in the Pioneer Press — to create island habitat for migrating waterfowl. And ‘they’ worked at it all summer, finally removing the last backhoe from one of the low-lying manmade islands late last fall.
“I have reason to drive Highway 61 frequently, and the constant question that ran through my mind as I watched ‘their’ progress in working to create these islands was: ‘Do they know the water level of the river fluctuates dramatically?’ Because Pigs Eye Lake is just a backwater of the river, and the islands ‘they’ created were barely above even the lowest water level last fall.
“Sure enough, when spring melt came — and at a time when migrating waterfowl might actually have made good use of them — the islands were all underwater. As they have been all summer, what with the constant rain we’ve been having. Sigh.
“I can’t but wonder how much of our taxpayers’ money it cost to build those islands. and, while I could be wrong, could it be that this project was poorly thought out? Maybe ‘they’ll’ add more dirt. I don’t expect a reward, but for the good of mankind (and waterfowl), I’ll keep an eye peeled.”
The simple displeasures
BIRDWATCHER IN LA CRESCENT: “A trip to the grocery store brought about a summer displeasure. I found a good parking spot in the huge lot, opened the car door, stepped out onto the hot blacktop right on a very soft piece of gum! It is that time of year when we have to watch where we walk in the parking lots, thanks to rude people.”
Today’s helpful hint . . . Or: The Permanent Family Record@@
KATHY S. of St. Paul: “Subject: Spreading Our Roots.
“A public-service message to any BB reader given up for adoption (plus the birth parents) in Minnesota:
“1. Effective July 1, 2024, any Minnesota adoptee aged 18 or older will be able to request their original pre-adoption birth records. Note the word ‘any,’ since some records were closed by court orders.
“2. Birth parents may file a Birth Parent Contact Preference form with the State of Minnesota, to say if they want to be contacted by adoptee(s). This form does not keep adoptees from accessing their birth records; it lets adoptees know if their birth parents want to be contacted.
“Tracing the families of adoptees used to be difficult, if not impossible. Adoptees weren’t often told of their birth families, and many records were (or still are) sealed. For at least 10 years, I knew that one of my dad’s second cousins was rumored to have given up children for adoption — back when I couldn’t figure out how to find them.
“In fact, Dad’s second cousin in Iowa gave up two boys for adoption, Curt in 1946 and Tim in 1949. Per my DNA test, I figure that Curt is her son, and Tim is a more distant family member. I located Tim without DNA, by posting a mini family tree on Ancestry. A ‘leaf’ popped up on the birth mother, and I contacted the genealogist who had posted information on her. She gave me Tim’s name, address, and phone number.
“Eight days after I called Tim in Iowa, he and his wonderful wife, Pat, came to St. Paul to meet me and learn about our family. On a gorgeous day in October, I drove them to the historic cemetery of St. Peter’s Catholic Church in Mendota. Looking down from the cemetery, I could see a wealth of history in the rivers and places where local peoples and my ancestors lived.
“In the 1970s, I befriended Sadie, the last Travers member of my great-grandfather’s generation line, at my great-aunt’s funeral. I took her out to eat, and to St Peter’s Cemetery to visit her family’s graves. I also photographed her next to the small monument at the gravesite of my great-great-grandmother Mary — Sadie’s aunt. When Tim and Pat visited, I gave Tim a copy of that picture, and watched his wife photograph him in the same place.
“Some time later, Curt’s wife contacted me about our mutual DNA, and I helped bring Curt and Tim together. They seem to have much in common, and to enjoy having ‘roots.’ I hope to see Tim again someday, and to meet Curt — but I’m not counting on it.
“Meanwhile, I have boasting rights among genealogists for finding Tim without using DNA. Sometimes that is enough.”
The Literallyists
From BOB WOOLLEY: “At the completion of a workout video, the relentlessly cheery instructor said: ‘You guys literally killed it today!’
“I think I need to know what, exactly, I killed before I decide whether this is a good thing or a bad thing.”
Fellow travelers
THE AQUA AFICIONADO (real name S—): “Subject: It’s a small world, after all.
“When I visited the Peloponnese area of Greece, I based myself in Nafplio and took day trips from there. One morning, I decided to take the local bus to see the archaeological site in Mycenae. At the last minute, I changed my mind and hurried over to take the bus that went to the Epidaurus ruins instead.
“After I climbed into the bus, I heard a passenger exclaim: ‘It’s American S—!’
“It turned out that British friends Dick and Nada were visiting Greece, too. I happened to take the same bus that morning that they did. We spent a fun day together touring the ruins. Nada even had a postcard they had written to mail to me.
“We still exchange travel postcards, too, more than 20 years later.”
BAND NAME OF THE DAY: Slobber and the Wet Noodles
Your stories are welcome. The address is BB.onward@gmail.com.
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